Top Strip Clubs in Town
Strip clubs or like some people prefer to call them Gentlemen clubs, are attracting major attention of late in town. With at least one strip club in almost all streets in town, it must be serious business.
Strip clubs are actually illegal in Kenya. They operate as bars/ restaurants. The Kenyan penal code doesn’t differentiate between stripping and prostitution therefore both are classified as misdemeanors attracting a maximum of 3,000 bob. With that sort of loophole and the obvious reluctance by relevant authorities to close them down, it seems like they are here to stay. With that said, below is a list of the top strip clubs in the CBD.
- SMALL WORLD STRIP CLUB
This joint should not even feature in the list. Its Quite popular though and hence i have to make a review about it. Located on a lane just off river road and on the 5th floor of an old building that has no lifts, this is a place you will certainly not visit twice.The first thing that you notice after entering the club is this huge hall with terrible lighting. The joint looks like a church hall, only that there are counters and stripping poles. The VIP section is also a shitty area, but when you are paying 1 sok to enter, you cant complain. The strippers lack the art of working the pole, and you can hear revelers complaining about it and some even hurling insults at the ladies.Most of those strippers are prostitutes from river road trying to earn an extra buck.. its rare to see guys tipping them. You will leave this joint dissapointed and angry. If kplc acts up, you will have to make due with lanterns, they don’t own generators.
- TAHITI CLUB
Another club located along river road. Its a relatively small club with the balcony serving as the VIP section. The music is loud, so loud that you can almost see you beer bottle moving around the table. The DJ is a cunt though. you might think that you are chilling somewhere in Kampala when he decides to go Ham on Ugandan songs.. The strippers are gorgeous [well at least a majority] At around 11pm, the strippers work the poles with bikinis and bras and as time goes, lose everything. The moves they do, take time to learn and do safely [yes like wrestlers].. beers are relatively cheap here, at 130 bob and shots for as low as 70 bob, you cant complain.Overall its a nice joint, you wouldn’t want to leave the club early though, for your own security. River road is not friendly at those late hours.
F3 PANGO
A sister club to the renowned Florida pack of night clubs, its located along Moi Avenue in the same building that Florida 2000 is located. Actually you use the same entrance to F2.After 11pm, the music is usually very loud. with jungus and hindu guys preferring this club. This is definitely a high end joint, Sudanese are also spotted making it rain here.it is a sight to behold watching the strippers work those golden poles. It gets so crazy when guys start stuffing dollar bills in the strippers genitals. With a clientele list of Oliech, Wyclef Jean and Akon, its obvious who their targets are. Maintaining your lane is the hint here.
APPLE BEEZ
Located along Gaborone road, this is the pioneer of stripping business in town. They literally set the trend in the industry. With strippers from as far as Brazil and USA, they are obviously serious about what they do.The joint is always crowded, but i would recommend Thursdays Kamasutra night. it is usually not as crowded hence the strippers give guys special attention.
If you have never visited the VIP area of Applebeez, you are definitely not living right. Its kinda dark, no one would spot you getting a hand job or lap dance with that lighting. All types of ladies are represented, #teamsmallboobs #teambigbooty everyone is catered for. This is where great moments are made, Fuck Kodak moments.
I still haven’t decided whether its heaven or hell.
LIDDOS
Located along keekoroke road, this is the one joint edging out Apple beez as the ultimate Nairobi’s top strip club. The music is so loud here, that you have to shout to order a drink.Its not as dark as Apple beez, but it isn’t that bright either. Beers retail at 250 bob and they even give you ETR receipts after purchase. a well managed club this is.
From 11pm, porn plays in the 42” plasma TV’s. If that doesn’t put you in the mood, nothing can. Alcohol with the background of loud music, porn on the screens as strippers defy the laws of gravity causes such an adrenaline rush. Not a good idea for premature ejaculators though. After Midnight, strippers chuck all manner of dressing and the show begins.. Its a very convenient place for team illicit brews who can dash to the opposite club. swallow and return to the club. Last time i was there at around 2PM, guys were given the chance to have sex with the strippers in the open [with condoms of course] for free drinks and tickets. Guys were like YOLO…… and actually did it. This is arguably the most popular strip club in town.
If you are a guy who has never been to a strip club, you are a disgrace to men and should have your man card revoked. Even women are going to strip clubs, whats your reason?
